18th December 2009

I’ve decided that I like buying presents, rather than receiving them. Seeing their reactions on their faces whilst opening them is unforgettable, it almost makes me want to spend all my money on them. It’s one of my old friends birthday soon and I’ve bought him some amazing presents. So have Elena and Lily actually, we all have. I’m not quite sure how he will react with what he gets off us, I hope he likes them, I really do. I know that he will not get much else off other people so we’re trying to make up for that fact and getting him quite a few bits and bobs.

Today was the last of college for me and I was so excited for it yesterday, but now I can safely say that it wasn’t so good. I had double film first, the only lesson that I’m passionate about, the only lesson that I actually enjoy, but it was ruined because of a couple of show-offs. They don’t deserve to be in that lesson, they really don’t. We had to create a quiz so the rest of the class could answer them and of course I added in a question about Dir en grey because that’s what I would do in any situation. I also added in another question about an Asian band, Elena added in a couple serial killer questions and the rest were just filled with general knowledge. When the questions were being asked they kept making remarks about how stupid Asians were and just generally taking the complete and utter piss. I hate swearing but I guess it’s appropriate at this point. We got their answer sheet to mark and Elena noticed that the majority of their answers said ‘chink’, barely scribbled out either. I know that they were doing this just to annoy me, like always. It’s not even the fact that they were racist, but I didn’t have any questions relating to anything Chinese, I asked questions about Korean and Japanese bands. It just so happens that my team won the quiz so I guess that was a good thing.

Billy wasn’t in today either, the last day of college and he didn’t even bother to show up. I know that I won’t see him until after Christmas now either because he’s going down to London to see his Grandma tomorrow. I should go over to his house after college, but were all going to Angelica’s for a little get together. I’m friends with everyone who is going apart from one girl called Lacy, we did used to be friends though, it wasn’t always this bad. We felt out in the summer last year because she went out with a rapist, even though he was more than double her age and she knew he was a pervert. It was all really dark and surreal when we argued over them together, but in the end she chose him. She’s still with him to this day, which just shows how much she values her friends.

This blog isn’t a very happy one today so ill try and make it a little more exciting by telling you more about Billy and how our relationship developed.

I started going over to Billy’s house everyday after college and we would just talk about anything and everything. We talked a lot, sometimes too much. One Thursday afternoon we both skipped our last lessons and walked over to his house, it was absolutely freezing so he gave me his coat to wear. Little did I know that that day was going to change my life. I’d always thought that I would marry a woman and we would have three children. We would live in the countryside and have a peaceful life together until we moved on into the next life. Billy changed my whole idea about this.

We got upstairs to his room and he poured me a glass of Jack Daniels, (I’d started drinking this a lot by then) and we sat down on his bed. His bed sheets had been changed to a dark red colour, rather than the green that was on them before, I don’t know why I’m even telling you this, sorry. He started talking about some new magazine that has came out called ‘Freeze’, it was about some new videogame that had recently been released. Billy is obsessed with videogames; it’s best not to even go into detail about this. We had another drink and then lay down. We just lay there in silence for about ten minutes. We didn’t dare move or talk. It was rather beautiful. I started feeling a little sleepy after a while so I sat up, looked at Billy then walked over to his CD Player. Billy sat up with crossed legs and watched my every move. I put the song ‘Vinushka’ on by Dir en grey and joined him on the bed. I also sat with crossed legs sitting directly opposite him, like the first time we met.

The song started playing and Billy mimed the words as they came on. My eyes were fixated on his lips as he moved them; he knew every word by heart. As the song played and the tone of Kyo’s voice got angrier, Billy’s face turned serious. He never took his eyes off me once and started going red off the effort he was putting in. I didn’t know what the lyrics meant at the time so I was trying to work out whether he was miming them because they were relevant to him. As soon as Kyo started whispering the lyrics, Billy started to do this too; I was happy to hear his voice again. He grabbed my hands just as he started to scream at me, I felt so secure with him. Billy squeezed my hands and I knew that he wanted me to join in with him. I didn’t know the lyrics that well so I kind of made them up as I went along, I don’t think he noticed this. Our voices grew louder and louder until they overpowered the actual song and we moved our faces closer to each other until we could feel each other’s breath. As the song died down he pushed me down backwards and lay down on top of me, I didn’t care what he was going to do. Everything was perfect. I’ve never felt so attached to a guy in my whole life.

The song started again and I closed my eyes. I have no idea why I done this, I don’t think I was supposed to do this, it just happened. I felt him move his head next to mine on the pillow and he whispered the Japanese lyrics into my ear. It was only when I got home and researched the lyrics that I realised he said this to me;
“I've stared at the strong shining moon long enough to be bored
can't even turn myself into a werewolf
But just enough to become crazy by the darkness
I want to suck the neck
The emptiness of the remains
I won't let you sleep
At the age where you just want attention...tonight I might go crazy for you”
He then kissed my neck ever so softly. I even let out a moan whilst he was doing this. He moved up over my chin and then kissed me on the lips, I was a little nervous as first but I joined in soon enough. Our kiss seemed like it lasted forever, it was positively exquisite.

He pulled away from me and smiled. It’s amazing to think how much confidence he actually has, at college he puts of such a front. I honestly don’t think many people have seen this side of him, but im glad that they haven’t seen him like this.
I need him.

James.