21st December 2009

I decided that I would do something today, anything. As soon as I woke up I got ready and made some toast. It wasn’t as good as the toast Billy made for me, but it was alright. I also had a glass of orange juice to wash it down with; I’ve been having some weird cravings for orange things lately. I went back to my room to collect my mobile and my money and left the house. I didn’t even check the time when I woke up, as soon as I looked at my mobile I realised that it was only 7:36am. I really had no idea what I was going to do today, it was freezing too, and the pavements were covered in glass ice. I managed to find a path with some grass running along the side of it so that I could walk on that instead. I just walked straight ahead for about two hours, I’ve always wanted to do this and finally I did. I ended up in a park with a play area. No one was around considering the time and the weather so I sat on a swing and thought of Billy.

I thought about what it would be like if he was here with me. I thought about how he would throw the snow off me. I thought about how he would wrap his arms around me and keep me warm. I need him here. I just kept thinking about him on that swing, I thought about him so much that I started to cry. It wasn’t that heavy, the crying. I could control it quite well, it was the thoughts that I had no power over. My mind just kept wandering around, coming up with situations where Billy would end up hating me, or falling out with me, things like that. I bit down hard on my bottom lip to try and distract me. It started to bleed, quite a lot actually. I sucked on the wound until it stopped, I wish it didn’t stop though; I really like the taste of my blood. I’ve always wondered if other people’s blood tasted the same as mine, I guess there is only one way to find out. Billy did mention that he is masochist a couple times before; maybe he likes the taste of blood then? If he decides to phone me then I’ll ask him.

By the time I moved off the swing to go get a drink it was 11:42am, my day was going so slow. I went to the nearest shop and bought myself a bottle of diet coke - it was £1.09. I felt pretty ripped off but I was so thirsty and there was no orange juice. I had a good look through my wallet when I left the shop to see just how much money I had. The total amount I had was a hefty £2.96, then I realised that I had my bankcard with me so I walked to the bank to see if I had any money left over in it. I was quite surprised that I had £80.50 in there. I withdrew £40 and caught a bus to town.

Sitting on the bus I realised that frail old aged pensioners would rather walk up the stairs than sit next to me. I don’t even look that bad today. No one sat next to me on the bus, again so I just lay against the window and put my feet up. I got a few dirty looks but it was their own fault for judging me. I got off the bus and decided to look in the nearby shops for something that would keep me busy whilst Billy was away. I tried a few different shops and I asked the people who worked there, they either told me to learn an instrument or draw. I really didn’t want to do either of these. I then came across an entertainment shop so I walked in there optimistically. Of course I walked straight over to the DVD section, I wanted to find a DVD with a long running time that could actually keep my full concentration. Then it hit me, short films. I went to look for some and I came across a DVD with 16 short films on from around the world. How perfect. I read the back of it and fell in love with it. I then noticed the price - £22.99. There was no way that I was going to leave the shop without it though, so I bought it there and then.

I felt a bit peckish since I last ate over six hours ago so I went to a small coffee shop. Originally I wanted a gingerbread latte, but they ran out. So I asked for an eggnog latte, they ran out of that too. I ended up with a caramel hot chocolate and banana muffin. I sat down at a table in the corner just under a light. I sat on the biggest chair so that I could place my feet on the seat too. I opened up my new DVD and pulled out the pamphlet that came with it. I started to read the synopsis off the first film when my phone rang. It was Billy.
“Billy!” I squealed. “How are you?”
“Hello to you too! I’m doing absolutely fine, how about you?”
“Oh yes, I’m doing great, I just miss you so much”
“I miss you too James, I always do”
I didn’t know what to say to him so I just smiled. Then I realised that I was on the phone so I had to reply, as he couldn’t see my smile.
“So how’s it going down south?” I asked.
“Oh, it’s okay. I’m very bored and there is actually nothing at all to do here, there’s nobody my age here either. I wish that you came with me” He sighed.
“Don’t worry, you’ll be back here soon then we can make up for lost time” I reassured him.
“Haha, I know exactly what you meant by that you dirty boy.”
I really didn’t know what I could say back to him that wouldn’t cause the people sitting near me to give me weird looks, I’ve already have enough of those today.
“Hmmm” I pondered, and then I remembered that question I was going to ask him “Do you like blood?”
Saying that made an old lady turn around and look at me, I stared her out though. This was my conversation.

“Yes, yes I do” he answered.
“So you’d let me try yours?”
“Slow down there cowboy!” He laughed.
“I’ll just take that as a maybe then”.
“Take it how you like, I don’t mind”
I could imagine what he would be like if I were having this conversation face to face to with him. He would be running his fingers down my arms and winking at everything, just to confuse me.
“What day you coming back again?” I asked.
“The 26th! I guess it’s only five days we have to wait but we can old out can’t we?”
“We sorta have to, unless you have a teleportation device”.
He didn’t answer this straight away, so I thought he didn’t understand my sarcasm at first. That was until I heard his heavy breathing.
“Are you doing what I think you’re doing Billy?”
His reply to this was just a long moan. I’d never had an erection in public up until then; it was pretty embarrassing.
“I’m sorry James, your voice is just so sexy. I’m not even joking”
“Uhh” I hesitated. “Thank you?”
“No. Thank you James, and yes I did just wink then in case you didn’t get it.”
“But I always get you Billy”.

Our conversation died down after about twenty more minutes so we said out goodbyes and hung up. I’m so glad I spoke to him; it really made my day. I finished up my drink and left the café smiling. I felt so good that I decided to walk home, even if it was still icy and over five miles away. I got home around 5pm and went straight to my bedroom. I then masturbated over Billy and what he done whilst talking to me on the phone. It was, well interesting to say the least. I can’t wait until he gets back home.

I finished off the day by watching a short film off one my new DVD’s; it disturbed me. It was called ‘La Vieille dame et les pigeons’ and Sylvain Chomet directed it. He is a French animator who made this film in Canada so it’s half French, half Canadian. Basically it’s about a story about a starving gendarme and his desperate attempt to get food. He strolls through the park one day and sees a very short, old lady feeding pigeons wonderful delicacies. He follows her home and notes down where she lives, he goes back to the park and takes home one of the many plump pigeons. Once he is back at home he plucks the bird and makes it into a large pigeon mask for himself. The next day he dresses up as a pigeon, complete with the mask and goes over to the old lady’s home. She invites him in and sits him down at her dining table. She walks into her kitchen and brings him a cup of tea and some biscuits. The man gets angry because the old lady feeds the pigeons better food than this, so he throws it off the table. The old lady then goes back into the kitchen and brings him a whole roast dinner. She shows him a photo album of the pigeons that she likes (her only friends), but he simply ignores her and concentrates on eating. Once he is finished he walks out of her house without saying thank you.

The next day he returns and she cooks him a similar dinner. A few months go by and the man keeps going back, but he is getting larger and larger each time. On Christmas Eve when he turns up at the old lady’s house, he eats a Christmas meal and then waits for his desert. He goes for a drink but realises that he has no wine left so he goes into her kitchen to find her. When he squeezes his way through the narrow corridors he notices that she isn’t in the room so he goes and drinks her best whiskey. He falls onto the floor and he hears a noise coming from the next room so he stands up and goes to investigate. The old lady is sharpening a pair of sheers on a metal wheel. He looks scared and his eyes follow the old lady as she puts down the sheers and gives a big meal to another man dressed up as a cat. He accidentally makes a noise and the old lady picks up the sheers and runs after him, trying to kill him. He tries pulling off his mask to show that he is actually human and not a pigeon but since he gained so much weight, he cannot get it off. They chase each other for a while and the old lady finally pushes him out of a window. He tries flapping his fake wings, but he falls to the ground. He then gets up and walks away. The summer comes along and he is back in the park, looking as thin as ever pretending to be a pigeon.

That’s it, that’s the whole story. It’s pretty daunting knowing that this could happen to someone, it’s also creepy because you don’t find out what happens to that old lady. It just scared me, the whole film. By the end of it I was sweating and I was too scared to move. It was all animated too, which made it a little worse as it is so hyperbolic. I don’t think that I will be able to sleep properly tonight because of it. The old lady was just so deceiving, oh I don’t know. I bet if Billy watched it with me I wouldn’t have been so scared.

James.